girls just wanna have guilt

From sneaking into illicit sessions at a conference, to yelling at my kids, is guilt fun?

Here's me, the guilty mama

Damn my Catholic school upbringing. I’m at the MagNet2011 conference today and that’s that takeaway message I’m going home with. Damn Msgr. Paul Dwyer Catholic Highschool — because of their powerful brainwashing gamma rays, I’m sitting here blogging in a hotel lobby, instead of sneaking into all the interesting sessions MagNet has to offer. The bad devil sitting on my shoulder is saying “No one is checking, who would know?” and the good angel is whispering “You’ll know and you’ll feel guilty…Be good.”

It’s a great conference and I’m having lots of fun. I’m hanging out in downtown T.O., seeing my old peeps, having a starbucks and contemplating heading to Winners for a little retail therapy. I love my work. It’s fun because it’s a way to leave my kids with someone else for a little while but with a virtuous outcome — there’s no guilt in work! Work is work. You’ve got to eat, right? And being creative and writing is fun to me.

I went to a seminar about blogging earlier and I feel very in touch with my digital side. I highly recommend MagNet if you’re thinking of writing — whether for a magazine or blog. It’s a good place to network and learn about what everyone else is doing. Plus it’s a few hours to myself in the city feeling like a world famous writer. My clothes match, my makeup is done. The only guilt I’m having is about paying for valet. Well, that and sneaking into that Social networking session…

I did do it. But then I left. Part guilt, partly it wasn’t about what I thought it would be about. I did it and I kind of feel terrible. Don’t tell my mom. Please.

Maybe guilt’s kind of fun. Why else would I have just tortured myself for three hours, knowing the social networking session is coming up, planning my covert infiltration of the space (through the door), thinking of all the worst case scenarios — should I go, shouldn’t I? I don’t know. What if the MagNet police come and find me and saying “Get out of here lady, you didn’t pay to be at this session!”

This is what I do to myself. About everything. Whether it’s parenting, shopping or sneaking in to illicit MagNet sessions, guilt is what I know. When I punish my kids I keep replaying it in my head thinking, was that the right way to react? What would a parenting expert do? Sometimes I can blame my guilty nature on working at a parenting magazine and interviewing all those experts — but today, I’m gonna blame the brainwashing gamma rays from highschool.

How about you? Does guilt rule your world? Is it kind of fun sometimes? Would you have snuck in?