Making death wait for me

Two days ago I did the heart health quiz on the heart and stroke foundation website. You know the commercials… make death wait. Well guess what? It would appear I’m not making death wait at all. I had 11 out of 16 indicators that death is right at my door step — I either need to shape up, or I’m gonna ship out before I want to.

And so the time has come — again — to face the fact that I am fat. It’s time to make a change, a big one, or my kids won’t have me around when they want me. I have a history of heart disease in my family, I’m chronically depressed, I’m overweight, I live, sleep and breathe stress and I don’t exercise enough. So I am taking the plunge today. I’m joining the YMCA and I’m getting my kids to join with me.

This is a new strategy for me, including the kids in my fitness plans. But my kids hated going to the last gym I belonged to — the daycare room was full of babies — and since they hated it, I never went. I’m hoping that since the Y fees include their activities, I’ll work out while they play. I’ve also joined Weight Watchers online, in the hopes that keeping it between me and my computer will help me stay on target. I love my computer, really, I do — and I couldn’t face the idea of walking into weight watchers one more time and signing up. Donna the WW lady knows me, and although she’s lovely, I feel ashamed that I haven’t been able to loose the weight I gained with Peyton.

But I love food. LOVE it. I love to eat and I love to drink, especially in the winter when I’m feeling low. But know what I don’t love? Working out. I try to pretend I do, and sometimes I kind of like running, but the smell of a sweaty gym just makes me feel blah and even though I know that I won’t run all winter because I live in Canada and it’s too cold, I kid myself and pretend that I’ll totally run.

Of course I won’t.

But maybe I will now. Because know what I really don’t love? The thought of dying young and leaving my kids and husband alone because I was too lazy to change my lifestyle. It doesn’t seem very fair to them. So maybe if I’m too lazy to do it for me, I do it for them. I’m going to make death wait. Or, at least I’m going to try.