On van-ity

Our van can fit everything and the kitchen sink —and a dog. But that doesn’t mean we have to like it!

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who swore she would never drive a mule. She had an image to preserve and so she vowed to only ever ride horses. It didn’t matter to this princess whether the horses were beautiful or not, young or old, she didn’t mind — all she cared about was whether it said “neigh” or “hee-haw”.

Sure, a mule might be the stronger choice and a wiser investment for her royal family; but she was perfectly willing to pack less, as long as she had a cute little horse. So she bought a horse and found that it wouldn’t fit three car seats. And the princess died a little when she forked over the cash for her shiny new mule… she did live happily ever after, but she really, really hated that mule.

OK, so now imagine that I’m the beautiful princess — and my van is that mule I swore I’d never ride. A big old ugly mule.

My van (Tina) came home from the car hospital today; with her power door fixed and her window repaired, she is just as ugly and sensible as she was on the day I got her. While she was away, I cheated on her. I rented a cute little Nissan Sentra and scooted around town quickly and fuel-efficiently. I parked wherever I wanted. And you know what? I fit! It was bliss. I feel a little guilty for slathering so much love on that teeny  little rental car, I’m such a tramp!

The thing is, I never wanted a van. I tried my damnedest to avoid a mom-mobile at all costs because I wanted to stay young and hot forever — I wasn’t ready to never get checked out at a stop light again! Because no one checks out van drivers. Really, why bother? That boxy exterior says it all. Mom on Board…I’m practical and fertile, move along…

Disliking Tina, my Town and Country, makes it that much more painful to spend pots of money on her. I mean, I know she needed it. But really? Do you know how many pairs of shoes I could have bought with that money? Tina is wonderful in so many ways. She’s big and she can fit all our stuff when we’re going to the cottage. She has hands-free capability so I can talk on the phone when I’m driving, we always have room to give someone a drive, and best of all, she’s a little bit fancy once you’re inside.

But on the outside, she’s still a van.

This is totally a first world problem, I know that. It’s just… she’s not pretty! I want this when I grow up.

So hot. So NOT a van!

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