Coming off antidepressants

Mom's feeling blue? Oh well, let's dance!

Mom’s feeling blue? Oh well, let’s dance!

I stopped taking my daily dose of Wellbutrin in December and began weaning myself off Cipralex. I was so tired of being forgetful (one of the lovely side-effects I experienced) that I decided I was well enough to get this monkey off my back. Two months into the weaning process, I’m hanging in by my fingernails. The only problem is I had a shellac manicure in December and as a result my fingernails are very weak.
Whoa… talk about life reflecting art and stuff…
So, in hindsight, coming off of these suckers at Christmas time and just as I went into the most brutal winter in Canadian history might not have been my best idea. Christmas was rough and even though my doctor tried to warn me about that I was determined to stop.
My weaning is almost through though and I’m feel like I’m absolutely ready to be done. I’m down to 1/4 of a pill every third day and I have two weeks left of that. On the day I take my dose I am a zombie, the next day I’m sad, the third day I feel like myself and then it’s time to take another. Oy.
My friends keep asking how I am and although I’m a bit of a mess, I’m coping. I want to hide a lot. I want to wrap myself in my duvet for 40 days and nights, and I’d like that duvet to be on a beach somewhere warm. Happily my kids don’t seem to notice. They’re tolerating this new duvet-wrapped Dana but they’re bored because I’m too blah to go outside and play. I fall into bed pretty early these days too which means there are a lot of Daddy stories instead of mommy ones.
The thing is I don’t know if this is me or if this is just my body adjusting to no more drugs. I don’t even remember what I’m like. I’ve been a mega bitch lately and I’ve been pretty nice for the past 9 years, is this me? Hmm. I don’t know… I’ve been really tired lately.
Is this me? Hello, is anyone in here?
Mostly though, I’m excited to be rid of them. Anti depressents were awesome and wonderful and they helped me get out of some really bad stuff but I’ve been taking them for nine years now and I’m done. Enough.

I think.

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